(A Reflection Through the Lens of A Course in Miracles)
We’ve all been there—trapped in a conversation with someone who seems to push every button we have. Maybe they talk too much, interrupt often, or have a knack for turning every topic back to themselves. They might complain constantly or seem to thrive on drama. Whatever the behavior, we quietly label them: annoying.
But let’s stop and ask: Who decides they’re annoying?
A Course in Miracles teaches that it’s never the external situation that disturbs our peace, but our interpretation of it. The Course reminds us:
“I am never upset for the reason I think.” (ACIM, W-5.1)
It’s not the person’s behavior that upsets us—it’s the meaning we assign to it. And the meaning always comes from one of two places: the ego or the Spirit.
The Ego’s Solution: Defend, Attack, or Withdraw
The ego thrives on separation and judgment. It interprets behavior through a lens of self-importance, superiority, and defensiveness. The ego says:
- They are wasting my time.
- They should know better.
- They’re too much.
The ego’s solution often takes the form of passive withdrawal (tuning out, ghosting) or active attack (criticism, sarcasm). It might feel satisfying for a moment, but it always leaves a residue of guilt or frustration because it reinforces the illusion of separation. The ego’s ultimate goal is to make you feel justified in seeing your brother or sister as “other,” as the problem.
The Course is clear:
“All your difficulties stem from the belief that you are separate.” (T-15.V.2:1)
The Spirit’s Solution: Forgive and See Anew
Spirit invites us to choose again. It whispers:
- What you see in them reflects something unhealed in you.
- Their behavior is a call for love, not attack.
- Look beyond the behavior to the Christ within.
Spirit doesn’t excuse bad behavior, but it refuses to condemn the person. It offers the miracle of forgiveness, the shift in perception that sees past appearances to the truth. ACIM reminds us:
“Forgiveness is the key to happiness.” (W-121)
When we choose Spirit’s way, we see the “annoying person” not as a problem to fix, but as a teacher to bless. We remember:
“What I see reflects what I think I am.” (W-346.1)
Which Serves Us Both?
So, what’s the better choice—ego or Spirit?
- The ego feeds your frustration, but leaves you empty.
- The Spirit humbles you, but fills you with peace.
The ego offers fleeting satisfaction, but Spirit offers lasting healing. Every interaction, no matter how trivial it may seem, is an opportunity to choose again—an opportunity to give and receive love.
A Personal Confession
This essay wasn’t just written for you—it was given to me. I’ve been the one judging, the one labeling, the one missing the call for love.
Lately, I’ve found myself getting increasingly annoyed by what felt like a constant stream of chat requests on Facebook. People reaching out, wanting to connect. I didn’t stop to ask why. Were they lonely? Seeking support? Hoping to feel heard or seen? Looking for a friend? Maybe just offering a moment of kindness? I didn’t pause to ask. I didn’t see. I didn’t listen.
I labeled them annoying. That was my problem—my ego’s response. This is my lesson. Let’s see how quickly I learn.
If this reflection speaks to you, I invite you to explore more of my essays and books—many of which were written from lessons just like this one. You’ll find them all at DinoJamesBooks.com. Let’s keep learning together.
And if you would like to engage in reflective dialogue with other Course students, I warmly invite you to join our Facebook group: Awakening Minds – Reflections and Conversations Inspired by ACIM. You can find us here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/1364538348157987.
We’d love to have you as part of the conversation.
